


Unsure Heart

by UnicornTalesLol



Series: Struggle In Vain (Kiri's Heart) [3]
Category: Future Card Buddyfight
Genre: Flashes of the real Kiri, Grim Reaper - Freeform, He's going mad, JFC, Memories, RIP Kiri, The sun is not allowed near him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 05:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11141535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnicornTalesLol/pseuds/UnicornTalesLol
Summary: He was in the darkness, unsure of anything. He didn't know anything anymore but he didn't really care either. He had the darkness and it took away his pain. That was all that mattered. He had flashes though. Flashes of a forest covered in thick snow, someone crying within the mist of it. He was hurting others, wasn't he? It hurt him too. The darkness comforted him though, taking away all his pain. He decided to stay with the darkness.





	Unsure Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I need a life.  
> I keep doing this. ;-;

Kiri sat there. Or laid there. Or floated there. He didn't know anymore. He just knew he was there. But he wasn't all there.

He laughed into the darkness, a silly grin on his face. He really didn't know anymore. He had been sucked so deep into the darkness that he didn't know anything anymore. It was great! He was freed from everything. He didn't know anything. He didn't remember anything. He didn't remember anyone. He wasn't hurting. He wasn't lonely. He wasn't cold, despite the occasional glimpse of a wasteland covered in snow (he had decided to ignore the changing people in the middle of the snow, screaming at him, begging him to give them back. Give who back? Their buddy? What was that?).

But he was numb.

He knew he was going crazy. The darkness was slowly suffocating him, taking away everything he was. Everything he had once been. It was breaking him. Driving him to insanity. He knew he should break free. But the darkness gave him everything he asked for, so why should he fight? That was such a repeated question in his head that Kiri had forgotten it wasn't him that asked himself that, to begin with. It was something else that had corrupted his mind and taken over, but not to an extreme. He was glad for that. Whatever hadn't taken over him had given him freedom, the opportunity to fight back. Perhaps it was because he had no reason to fight back that Kiri never did and the darkness never fully took over him. Or maybe that was another part of him, pushing back the darkness from completely taking over him (he immediately pushed that thought away. There was no way he was able to fight. He always lost. He was vaguely aware that he had lost some of his "spark" when those thoughts came to mind and slightly, ever so slightly, the darkness grew and took over him just a little more).

His mind felt heavy, so filled with clouds of some sort that it physically weighed him down. He wasn't sure if it was too much, if it was overwhelming or perhaps underwhelming. He just knew it was there. He had a lot of thoughts like that now. He didn't know anything and as he contemplated everything - anything that he could think of at this point - his final answer always came back the same. He didn't know. He just knew it was. It had to be, otherwise, he wouldn't be thinking of it, right?

He has flashes sometimes though. Flashes of a person he once was. Flashes of the things he once had. Then flashes of how he lost it all once more and started again, only to have to repeat and restart once more. He vaguely remembers being in pain, being lonely and never making friends because it was always so hard and he kept drifting from place to place. He wondered why he kept drifting like that. Why was he always restarting? It was annoying. He shouldn't have to restart - he had no reason to. Why wouldn't he just stay? What was wrong with all the other places he had gone to? He didn't know. He just knew he was moving.

This time though was different. Kiri didn't know why though. Wait, was that his name? Was that really his name? Weird. He was sure it was something different. 'Like what?' His mind asked. He didn't know.

Kiri laughed into the darkness again. Oh wow. He didn't even know his own name anymore! That was great! He didn't even know who he was! He hears a sob and after a few seconds, he realises it's him. He's crying. Why was he crying? He didn't know. He just knew he was. (Something inside of him tells him to shut up, because dammit, he wants to hear something other than "I don't know, I just know" for once. Perhaps that's what's driving him nuts? ...He didn't know. [He hears something scream in frustration before disappearing again. Where did it go? He realises it has faded away somewhere]).

Another sob shakes his body, tears streaming down his face and body shaking against the chains surrounding his waist (he never attempted to break them before, there was no need), and suddenly, the numbness fades and he's left in pain again. The darkness is comforting him almost immediately, soothing him and calming him down. He's cold, he notes. The darkness takes away the coldness and he's left numb again, almost instantly. The tears feel weird. They're so cold against his numb skin now. The darkness can't do anything about them though. The only thing the darkness can do is comfort him enough to make him stop crying.

He feels weak. Why is he crying? Wasn't he supposed to be strong now? He feels isolated, hurt. He's full of regret for some reason. He did something again, didn't he? He caused someone pain again. He doesn't understand why he feels like this. It hurts him, yet he keeps doing so. Why did he do that? He didn't know. He just did. (Something screams in him again and he feels like breaking. Not because he's in so much pain, but because he's had enough. He wants to break free. He is going to break free. The darkness silences him and the feeling is squashed before it can get too far. Kiri doesn't mind though. He didn't need to break free anyways.)

Then he sees it. A blizzard and a park. The trees are covered in snow, being weighed down heavily. Everything is being destroyed. Everything. He feels an overwhelming emotion crushing him. Once again, he's the cause, isn't he? He did it again, didn't he? He hurt someone again. He stole something precious to them again, didn't he? The guilt and self-hatred weighed down on him again, pushing him into the darkness some more. Truly, he hated himself. Why did he keep doing this? Why did he keep hurting others and hurting himself in the process? He didn't know, he just knew that was what he did.

He sighed, a tear escaping his eye. He didn't want to do this anymore. The darkness hushed him, telling him it was alright. He had played fair and square, it was the other's fault. They had bet the things precious to them and then they had lost, it was as simple as that. They were weak and they paid the price. That didn't quite sound right to Kiri, but his mind has become so clouded again that he couldn't make sense of it. So he just complied, agreeing with the darkness and letting it take over his mind again, take away his pain again. Kiri felt much better.

Vaguely, he saw his next battle. The snow wasn't thick as usual, but it still swirled heavily in the air. Kiri looked down at his next opponents. One was wearing a formal attire with blue hair kept back in a ponytail, along with glasses. He had someone next to him, younger and covered in what looked to be a ninja suit, but Kiri could just about make out blue hair and blue eyes. There was a small ninja looking thing next to him.

"Zanya!" The small one cried, looking to the taller one. But Kiri was already done, he didn't want to see the same repeated scene again. He closed his eyes, allowing the darkness to fully take him once more. The darkness complied, taking over him completely and blocking off all pain and emotions once more, the cold numbing him to his core. The darkness swallowed him, hiding him from the rest of world so not even the Sun could shine through. (For some reason, just the word brought warmth to him, but the darkness squashed it, freezing it and shattering it until nothing was left. He was to remain in the cold at all times, the sun was strictly not allowed near him at any costs.)


End file.
